#This might be the most lesbian thing I've ever read and I've read some pretty fucking lesbian things

[cairavende]

My wonderful girlfriend got me Gideon the Ninth for Christmas and I realized why should I just give Worm recaps? Let's read some Locked Tomb! (We'll see how this format works, maybe I'll adjust it. Specifically might break stuff down into smaller segments instead of full acts, but I didn't think of doing this until after I had read all of act 1.)

Gideon the Ninth Act 1 (chapter 1 through 8) thoughts:

This book is so gay oh my god

Like, it's gay in ways I can't even explain. I love it.

Harrow beats the shit out of Gideon in chapter 2 and I don't know if I've ever seen someone get beat up in a more gay way.

"Oh Griddle! But I don't even remember about you most of the time." ROLL A FUCKING DECEPTION CHECK HARROW! You are saying this standing in the middle of the field you spent all night burying bones in just to foil her escape in the most dramatic way. You can't stop remembering her.

Gideon is the most herbo of herbos. I fucking love her. I love reading her PoV. She just knows punch and stab with sword and if those don't work than she'll just do them harder.

Also Gideon is SO fucking gay. Dear god. Dulcinea faints and Gideon turns off all though. HELP PRETTY GIRL. Nothing else.

Ok I could just make this whole thing "EVERYTHING IS GAY" but there is technically more than that.

I love how weird everything is and how little explanation is given. I don't want pages of exposition, I want to learn the world as it comes at me! This is perfect.

And just the very nature of things that seem weird not being given more than a passing thought in the book is information. Something may seem wild to the reader but it's so normalized to the characters that they wouldn't even think about the idea of it being different.

Lack of explanation also helps really show how much of a meathead Gideon is. Do the readers get to learn details about this thing? Only if it is a weapon, has tits, or Gideon is forced to listen while Harrow explains it. Otherwise no, why the fuck would Gideon spend her precious few brain cells on thinking?

And even if Gideon is forced to listen as Harrow explains it, the readers might not learn much cause Gideon might stop listening. I love her.

Aiglamene is wonderful. Crux is fine but I like her more.

Poor Gideon just wants a big sword that she can swing hard. It's not like she can't use a rapier. But why when she can go big sword?

SO MUCH CATHOLICISM

As someone who once was Catholic and then realized I was actually not a straight man, but instead a lesbian, I am in deep.

And the fucking slang used! Or whatever would be the right term. The shit they say! I love it. Just the weird sci-fi far future space necromancer universe and then suddenly "Are you asking me to . . . throw her a bone?", "Gideon had always known that this would be how she went: gangbanged to death by skeletons.", "Don’t hypothetically shove stuff up my butt again, it never does any good.", "Lo! A destructed ass.", "Well we were developing common sense, she studied the blade.", "Double Bones with Doctor Skelebone."

House of the First appears to be Earth. I kinda assume the House of the Ninth is Pluto, even though things obviously aren't in order given that the Seventh and Sixth are closer to the sun. Of course, I'm kinda expecting this to not technically be this solar system at all.

Undying Emperor, King of Resurrection, I Have Ten-Thousand Titles, Boss First, etc etc hasn't been on "Earth" in over nine thousand years. I wanna know MORE.

And the fucking Ninth House has their own prayer! Everyone else has one that the Ninth didn't know and then the Ninth had one that no one else knows! GIMME MORE!!!!

Also again, so many Catholicism metaphors or comparisons or whatever!

I could go on forever but gonna end this one with OH MY GOD SHE FOUND SUNGLASSES I LOVE HER. Fucking "I came prepared, my sweet." and "But then you couldn't have admired . . . these!" as she whips on the sunglasses. God. I nearly died.

[sammaggs]

4x02 Easy Money // 3x01 Burning Down the House // 3x02 Eclipse | Rift

Something that always strikes me about Ray's moment of reconciliation with his father (in a show that might as well be subtitled Fathers Kinda Suck Huh???????) is the way this scene in particular is shot.

They focus especially on Ray's bracelet as he extends his hand:

Which isn't the only time they've focused on Ray's bracelet during Important Character Building. There's of course, his intro in Burning Down the House,

The close-up on the similarity with Marcus Ellory's bracelet in Eclipse,

And a bunch of other moments over seasons 3 and 4 that basically use the bracelet as a quick visual stand-in for "Ray Kowalski's a little bit different."

It’s something Ray Vecchio would never wear; hell, it's something most cops would never wear. It's a little bit, as Ray Kowalski would say, queer.

And so is Ray Kowalski.

The decision to focus on this bracelet during the exact moment he offers his hand to Damian as a peace offering is therefore, to me, worth considering. I personally read this as an indicator that part of the reason for Ray's rift with his father was his queerness.

And the first thing Damian says to Ray after they shake hands?

He compliments Ray’s experimental hair! He mentions another “queer” element of Ray’s physical appearance—one his father has likely given him a lot of grief for—and accepts it. Metaphor!!

It is, of course, understandable that Damian would have wanted better for his son than to be a cop, and this isn't to say that there isn't a world where that might have been enough to cause Damian to lose meaningful touch with his son for a decade. It certainly made sense for Ray Vecchio's father, who was likely involved with low-level mob business. But it does seem pretty extreme for Damian!

There's also the beautiful scene where Ray tells Fraser about his family in the precinct mess. At the very end, it really does look like he has something else he wants to say... but then Huey interrupts.

Now I am, of course, aware that Ray was dating or engaged to Stella at the time he graduated Academy. So what could his queerness possibly have to do with anything?

Well, as much as many of us wish it would, your queerness does not disappear when you enter a straight-passing relationship. I've even seen interesting ruminations in fic that some of the early hardship in Ray and Stella's relationship—remember, they broke up for a while during her college tenure—might have been due to the fact that Ray was interested in (or even caught) experimenting with men.

A personal anecdote, if you'll indulge me: I was in my mid-twenties, four years into a relationship with a man I thought I was going to marry, and tormented constantly by the idea that I was, probably, queer. I had no way of finding out while I was in a committed monogamous relationship. When I told my own mother that I thought I was bisexual, she told me it was all right—but also to never, ever tell my father. Even though I was in a relationship with a man, the knowledge of my queerness would have been enough to potentially cause a rift between my father and I that I don't know if we ever could have repaired. [editor's note: i'm a lesbian now and my dad and I have a stellar relationship ftr but i did have to marry a whole man first so] [editor's note: i am also the editor]

Ray gets caught with a man while Stella is in college? Or Stella knows and tells Ray's mother while they're drunk on wine one night? Or Ray's parents find a magazine... or a photo... or a stamp from the wrong club... anything. There's a million reasons why Ray's queerness could and may have come up even while he was with Stella, even while he was monogamous. Because he was still queer.

I know there's a certain element of "sometimes the curtains are just blue, dude, chill” to all of my meta, but when it comes to this show in particular I very much operate in my analyses from a place of "everything is intentional." Small details really do matter; the way scenes are shot matter, the words that are used matter, there's intentionality behind it all. We can't know or understand authorial intent, of course, but we can read our own interpretation of that intent into it. (The author is dead but Paul Gross thought Callum Keith Rennie was hot, so)

This is, after all, another episode directed by George Bloomfield, who also did Burning Down the House and is responsible for that "love at first sight" moment in Say Amen, so the direction here is in the hands of someone who is clearly in lock-step with Gross around the inclusion of queerness in the latter seasons of the show.

This moment is interesting to me in particular when considering intent because I actually would prefer to see Ray and Damian's faces in this moment! I want to know what Damian is thinking, or if he frowns. I want to know if Ray looks nervous or concerned. We don't see that at all.

Instead of seeing them over the GTO, we get the close-up on the hands and the bracelet over the rebuilt engine.

Rebuilding!! They're doing it.

And that makes my little queer heart pretty happy.

[picnokinesis]

Thoughts on Different Types of Representation in Doctor Who (and how fandom responds to it)

So I watched Rogue last night and - okay first, oh my days, absolutely ADORED it, this is definitely my favourite episode of this season, it was just so much FUN and it hooked me right from the start. And then the queerness! I was actually thinking to myself whilst watching it how wonderful it was because it felt like a queer story in a way that wasn't like, showboating about how progressive it was? [editorial aside: this is not comparing it to anything in particular, just a general observation]. The characters were just queer, within this wild and wonderful sci-fi story, but also their queerness wasn't the Only Character Trait they had and their story didn't resolve around their queerness, but their queerness was crucial to the plot in a way that was just lovely to see - and as a writer myself, it's personally the way I love to see our stories being told.

But then I made the mistake of going into the tag - always a foolish thing to do, because for some reason everyone loves to praise this era by criticising the previous era (as if it hasn't been criticised enough...like we know most of y'all hate Chris Chibnall for committing no worse crimes than Moffat and RTD before him...we know). And I found a couple of folks talking about how this episode alone did more for queer representation than the entirety of thirteen's era, whiiiiich at first really Peeved Me Off - like didn't these people understand how important Yaz's arc (especially Eve of the Daleks) was to a LOT of people? But then I was like 'well actually this is interesting', right? Because I think there's two very different kinds of representation going on here - and they're both very important in different ways, but one tends to get lauded as brilliant rep and one always gets put down as not good enough, or even bad rep. And what's the main difference? Whether the characters have a gay kiss or not.

So I just thought I'd share some of my thoughts and feelings on this, and why I think both these kinds of rep are equally important! To be clear from the get-go though - this is definitely not me ragging on anyone who likes more about one than the other (in fact, I think everyone likes one more than the other). This is merely a personal essay about it and the frustrations that comes when people in general do lift one up over the other. I'm gonna put it under the cut though, because it might get a bit long!

So, back when Eve of the Daleks aired, I remember having a lot of conversations about the representation in that episode - in particular with a very good friend of mine, who is a lesbian. And we realised that when it came to rep, we both actually wanted pretty different things. I'm aroace and genderfluid, and so a lot of what I saw in how thirteen was written - especially in terms of her gender (or lack thereof), and also her apparent lack of attraction (at least, in how I read it) was just incredibly affirming to me. I've never EVER seen a character on screen that I could see myself in both in terms of sexuality and gender. Whereas my friend saw things quite differently - thirteen was a lesbian, and they wanted to see that kiss between these two characters, because for them too, it was so rare to see that, and, in their words, they wanted to have their cake and eat it too. And we both realised that the reason that queer representation can feel so intense and important is, simply, because there isn't enough of it. We're all desperately reaching for the same small portion - and none of it is ever going to please everyone, or resonate with everyone. The stakes are too high.

So then, when there wasn't this dramatic romantic ending to Yaz's story, when there was no queer kiss, I was very sad for my friend, who didn't get that representation, but so painfully relieved for myself - because I got mine. So then it sucked a lot to see a lot of people getting really angry that this wasn't queer representation, that this was even homophobic - I even had someone tell me that aromantic representation in this regard was always going to be homophobic, because no-one would ever write it to be aro rep, and would instead only ever write it to avoid writing a gay kiss. And the thing that got me the most was that, REGARDLESS of whether they kissed or not, regardless of how you read either of the characters, there was one thing that was certain:

Yaz was queer. In text. Her emotional plotline centred around her realising that she was attracted to the Doctor (who was presenting as a woman - although, again, I don't think she really identified as such). The fact that she and the Doctor didn't get together by the end does not erase that fact.

They didn't kiss - but so what? Are queer people only queer when they're kissing someone of the same gender, or having gay sex? Are queer people not queer in their day to day lives, when they're not doing any of those things? Are queer people not queer when they're not dating? Are queer people not queer when they're trans, when they're ace, when they're aro, when their queerness doesn't resolve around attraction to the same gender?

And, to be honest, I think a lot of my feelings around this stem from the sort of exclusionist rhetoric that we saw a LOT of towards the ace/aro community back in 2012 that we still see now, that we're seeing towards the trans community now, that we're still seeing towards bi people, for pete's sake. It's this in-community infighting, pushing each other down to try and get up to the top, to keep all the "resources" for "the people who really need it", and it causes a serious amount of harm - but the truth is (and to bring this back to doctor who) that it all comes back to what me and my friend were discussing. We're all scared, all desperate to be seen - and when we are seen, it's the most incredible experience and the idea of losing that (or having someone else undermine it) feels inexpressibly awful. Having the thirteenth doctor...I suddenly realised this is what all the straight cis white dudes get all the time. She was like me, and that was indescribable. And then losing her - and having RTD not even be able to have a man wear her clothes because he was too worried about what the tabloids would say to be able to show a gnc person on tv...and then constantly described her as The Woman Doctor for the next entire episode - that hurt. A lot.

I've spoken to other friends who felt so seen in the character of Yaz - those people who realised they were queer later in life, those who fall in love with people and it doesn't end up going anywhere, those who don't get the whirlwind queer romances that people often call 'good representation'. Myself and many of my aspec friends have felt so seen in thirteen's almost entirely romance-less arc, and myself and my trans/genderqueer friends felt very seen in the way that thirteen's character would have been exactly the same if she'd been a man - the only difference was how the other characters around her interacted with her. Gender was something that happened to her. And when I watch episodes like Rogue, even though I don't relate to that representation, I just feel overwhelmed with joy because I know how important it will be to others that I care about. I think my sadness then comes from the fact that the way Thirteen and Yaz were written are just as important to me and many people that I know, but because they didn't kiss, it's not considered queer enough. Am I not queer enough, then? Are my friends not queer enough?

We need more episodes like Rogue, like The Parting of Ways, like Praxeus, like The Doctor Falls, because they are unquestionably and unapologetically queer, in a way that can't be avoided. We also need more episodes like Eve of the Daleks, like The Haunting of the Villa Diodati, like the rest of thirteen's era where the representation is an undercurrent throughout the whole story - but also undeniable, in a way that Yaz's story arc is, even if it doesn't end in a kiss, even if it doesn't end neatly and happily. Personally, I definitely would love to see more stories focused on aromanticism and on transness (especially ones that are written by trans people for trans people, rather than by cis people for cis people), but that's probably going to be down to people like me and other writers that I know actually getting into the script writing industry - and that depends on the people who are already there letting us in. One thing that I've always appreciated about Chibnall is that, after leaving Doctor Who, he began a programme for training up new showrunners with ITV, because: "showrunners are the gatekeepers and too many of the gatekeepers look like me."

Anyway, I probably have more thoughts that I've forgotten, but that's generally the gist of it. I think the more we fight over whether rep is 'good' or 'bad', relating to whether we see ourselves in it or not (rather than 'is this genuinely harmful or unhelpful', which I think is a more crucial question) the more the waters get muddied. We have different needs and wants, and no single episode is going to represent every facet of our community. But each episode, each story like this is a step in the right direction - and even rep that isn't perfect (I have thoughts about The Star Beast, for example) is still extremely positive and important, and definitely something that should be celebrated, even as we keep looking to the future for what we would like to see done differently, done better. And some day, I hope, there'll be so much queer rep, it'll be so normal, that those stakes won't feel so high anymore. It won't feel like everything hangs on how a certain show or storyline or episode is written. We'll all be seen. And that will be absolutely fantastic.

[hauntingofhouses]

i know I've mentioned my interpretation of mizu's gender a million times on here but i don't think i ever fully elaborated on it.

so on that note i just wanna ramble about that for a bit. basically, it's my reading of the show that mizu is nonbinary, so let me dig into that.

putting the rest under the cut because it ended up being pretty long lol. also here have a cute mizu pic of her being happy and most at ease with herself, symbolised by her letting her hair down. <3 ok let's proceed.

thus, when i refer to mizu as nonbinary, i am interpreting mizu as a woman, but not ONLY a woman. not strictly a woman. she is also a man. she is also neither of these things, she is something in between, while at the same time she is none of these at all. i've said as much many times, but i just don't want people to think that when i say nonbinary, it inherently means a "third androgynous gender" that essentially turns the gender binary into a gender trinary. not only is that going against what the term nonbinary was crafted for (to go against rigid boxes and categorisation of gender identities), but also, not all nonbinary people fall under that category or definition, and that's definitely not the way i interpret mizu.

okay before i go deeper i'd just like to address some important things. first of all, this post is an analysis of canon, and thus everything i am arguing for is about my own interpretation of the show, and not some baseless projected headcanon i am projecting onto the character. please remember there is a difference between an interpretation (subjective; interpretations will differ from viewer to viewer, but ultimately it is firmly rooted in evidence taken from the source material) VS a headcanon (unrelated and often even contrary to what is presented in canon; opinions wildly differ and they cannot be argued for because there is no canonical evidence to back it up).

ALSO please note that nonbinary is an umbrella term. this means that it applies to a vast range of gender identities. other identities that fall under the nonbinary umbrella include agender, bigender, genderfluid, and so on. however, it's my personal preference to use the term nonbinary as it is, simply because i'm not a fan of microlabels (more power to you if you do like them and find they suit you more though!).

also, before anyone fights me on this, let me clarify further that gender means something different to everyone. it's not your biological sex or physical characteristics. but at the same time, gender is not mere presentation. you can be a trans woman and still present masculine—either because you're closeted and forced to, or because you just want to—and either way, that doesn't take away from your identity as a woman. same goes for trans men. if you're a trans man but you wear skirts and don't bind or don't get top surgery, that doesn't make you any less of a man. because gender non-conformity exists, and does not only apply to cis people! some lesbians are nonbinary and prefer using he/him pronouns while dressing masculinely, but that doesn't mean they're a man, or that they're any less of a lesbian. neither does this mean that they're a cis woman.

the thing about queer identities in general is that, like i said, they mean something different to everyone, because how you identify—regardless of your biological attributes and fashion or pronouns—is an extremely personal experience. so a nonbinary person and a gnc cis woman's experiences might have plenty of overlap, but what distinguishes between the two is up to the individual. there's no set requirements to distinguish you as one or the other, but it's up to you to decide what you identify as, based on what you feel. either way, by simply identifying yourself as anything under the LGBTQ+ umbrella, you are already communicating to the world that you are not what a conservative, cisheteronormative society wants you to be.

which is why i find all this queer infighting on labels to be so ridiculous. because we're all fighting the same fight; the common enemy is a societal structure that divides us into set roles and expectations purely based on our biological parts. that's why biological essentialism in the queer community is a fucking disease. because by arguing that women are inherently weak and fragile and soft and gentle and must be protected from evil ugly men, while men are inherently strong and angry and violent and exploitative of women, these people are advocating for the same fucked up system that marginalises and abuses women as well as effeminate and/or gay men.

anyway. i'm going on a tangent. this was meant to be a blue eye samurai post. so yeah back to that— the point i'm trying to make is that there's no singular way to identify as anything, as everyone's views on gender, especially their own, is specific and personal to the individual.

so with that being said, yes you can definitely interpret mizu as a gnc cis woman and that's a totally valid reading of the text. however, interpreting her as nonbinary or transmasc also doesn't take away from her experiences with misogyny and female oppression, because nonbinary and transmasc folks also experience these things.

me, personally, i view her as nonbinary but not necessarily or not always transmasc because i still believe femininity and womanhood is a very inherent part of who mizu is. for example, from what we've seen, she does not like binding. it does not give her gender euphoria, but is instead very uncomfortable for her both physically and mentally, and represents her suppressing her true self. which is why when she "invites the whole" of herself, she stands completely bare in front of the fire, breasts unbound and hair untied. when she is on the ship heading to a new land in the ending scene, she is no longer hiding her neck and the lack of an adam's apple. we can thus infer that mizu does not have body dysmorphia. she is, in fact, comfortable in her body, and relies on it extremely, because her body is a weapon. instead, what mizu hates about herself is her face—her blue eyes. she hates herself for her hybridised racial identity, hates herself for being a racial Other. hates that she has no home in her homeland. thus it is important to note that these are not queer or feminist themes, but postcolonial ones.*

* and as a tiny aside on this subject, i really do wish more of the fandom discussion would talk about this more. it's just such an essential part to reading her character. like someone who's read homi k bhabha's location of culture and has watched this show, PLEASE talk to me so we can ramble all about how the show is all about home and alienation from community. please. okay anyway—

nevertheless, queer and feminist themes (which are not mutually exclusive by the way!) are still prevalent in her story, though they are not the main issue that she is struggling with. but she does struggle with it to some extent, and we see this especially during her marriage with mikio, where we see her struggle in women's domestic spaces.

on the other hand, though, she finds no trouble or discomfort in being a man or being around other men—even naked ones—and does not seem stifled by living as one, does not seem all that bothered or uncomfortable navigating through men's spaces. contrast this to something like disney's mulan (1998), where we do see mulan struggle in navigating through men's spaces, as she feels uncomfortable being around so many men, always feeling like she doesn't belong and that she's inherently different from them. mizu has no such experiences like this, as her very personality and approach to life is what can be categorised as typically "masculine". she is straightforward and blunt. her first meeting with mikio, she tells him straight to his face that he's old while frowning and raising a brow at him. she approaches problems with her muscles and fists (or swords), rather than with her words or mind. compare this with mulan, who, while well-trained by the end of the movie, still uses her sharp wits rather than brute strength. this is a typically "feminine" approach. it's also the approach akemi relies on throughout the show—through her intelligence and persuasive tongue, she navigates the brothel with ease. mizu, in contrast to someone like mulan and akemi, struggles with womanhood and femininity, and feels detached from it.

thus, in my opinion, mizu is not simply a man, nor is she simply a woman. she is both. man and woman. masculine and feminine. she has to accept both, rather than suppress one or the other. her name means water. fluid.

as a side note, while i do believe mizu is nonbinary, i also primarily use she/her pronouns for her, but this is a personal preference. i find it's easier to use in fanfic (singular they is confusing to write stories with, but again, that's just my feelings on it, and this is coming from someone who uses they/they pronouns). i also lean towards she/her because it's what the creators and all the official promotional copywriting of the show uses. and even though i am a "death to the author" enjoyer, i feel that when interpreting things that are left open-ended, it does help to look at the creators' take on things. also because, in general, being nonbinary simply doesn't necessitate the use of they/them pronouns. nonbinary is not just a third gender. it's about breaking the binary, in any which way, and that's exactly what mizu does, constantly.

also, i'd also like to mention that one of show's head of story even referred to her with the term "nonbinary", rather than simply "androgynous" (see pic below). and it's possible this could be a slip up on his part, in which he believes the terms are interchangeable (they're not btw), but regardless i find it a very interesting word choice, and one that supports my argument.

so anyway yeah that's my incredibly long rambling post.

TL;DR nonbinary mizu rights 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 congrats if you reached the end of this btw. also ily. unless you're a TERF in which case fuck off. ok i'm done.

[steddieas-shegoes]

if you're still accepting requests, what about t4t lesbian steddie? them having their First Ever Girls' Night together, maybe they're not even dating yet bc they don't want to risk the friendship with like. the one other person in The Whole World (small town indiana) who gets them. much pining and trans joy ensues.

-stevieharringtonwifeguy (it's a sideblog so i can't send an ask from there, but if you do end up doing something with this please tag me, not sure how anonymous asks work with notifications)

AHHH THIS ONE MADE ME NERVOUS. For one, and I know it makes no fucking sense because I have never lived the experience of a gay man, but I have never lived the experience of a trans person and for some reason my brain was like, you don't get to write this experience. But then I said, these are fictional characters, that you write even more fictional things about, and what the hell is the harm in trying to write an authentic small town t4t lesbian experience for these two. So @stevieharringtonwifeguy I really hope I did this justice, and that the wait was worth it. I also admit part of the reason I've been so incredibly nervous was that I haven't read more than a handful of ficlets with t4t Steddie, but after this I would LOVE some recommendations for more. Thank you so much for sending this! - Mickala ❤️

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“Oh. Okay. Well, that’s okay. Em and I can still have fun,” Stevie said, voice only slightly shaky despite her sudden nerves.

“Sorry, I swear if I didn’t have a fever, I’d still be there,” Robin said over the phone.

“Feel better, Robs.”

Stevie hung up with her best friend, letting out a sigh and leaning her head against the table.

“Everything okay, Stevie?” Em asked from the doorway.

It was supposed to be girls night, Em’s first with Robin and Stevie, and now Robin was stuck in bed with the flu.

Not a great start.

Stevie and Em had spent hardly any time alone since Robin first introduced them. It wasn’t for any particular reason, it’s just that Stevie was really cautious about who she got close to, and it seemed Em was the same way.

But now they were having an entire night alone. Together. Alone.

Did she say alone yet? No one else would be there.

This was only a big deal because she had the biggest, most ridiculous crush on Em.

How could she not? She was fucking beautiful, and fun, and kind, and entertaining, and perfect.

It may be more than a crush.

But Em wasn’t into women, or at least that's what Robin said.

That she’d asked her out once after band practice senior year and Em said that she didn’t date girls.

So Stevie had to let it go the best she could and just try to welcome her to the group.

“It’s okay. Robin’s sick. Can’t come,” Stevie said against her arm.

“Oh. Do you want me to go?”

“What?” Stevie sat up, eyes wide and sad.

“You just seemed like you might not wanna do it anymore without her?”

“No! That’s not it. I’m just a little bummed, but we can still have fun,” Stevie tried changing her tone so it was full of more excitement.

“Oh. Good,” Em smiled at her shyly.

Em wasn’t usually very shy around Robin. Others, sure, but never when Robin was around.

Their plans tonight were pretty simple: paint nails, watch movies, eat candy, sleep.

But Robin was supposed to be bringing the candy, so Stevie was gonna have to improvise a bit.

She stood up from the table and walked to her cabinets, her mostly empty cabinets, and started rummaging through. There had to be some kind of decent snacks.

“I could run to the store and grab something?” Em offered as she watched Stevie push things around in her cabinets, clearly struggling to find a decent snack.

“We could make an actual dinner? I have spaghetti,” Stevie hesitantly suggested.

Em smiled and nodded.

“I love spaghetti.”

Stevie smiled and pulled out a pot to fill with water. She set it on the stove to boil and then searched for the jar of sauce she knew was in the cabinet by the fridge.

“Shit. Where is it?”

“I can help,” Em said, coming up behind Stevie and placing her hand on her back.

Stevie tried to cover the shiver that ran down her back, but couldn’t quite manage it.

“Are you cold?” Em asked, concern in her voice and on her face.

“No! I’m okay. I’ll get some of the other stuff I need if you wanna look for the sauce. It’s uh, red?”

Em smirked.

“I’ll do my best.”

They continued on their separate tasks, until Em finally let out a loud “ah-ha!” and held up the jar of sauce.

She brought it over to Stevie, proud smile lighting up her face.

She was so beautiful, Stevie let herself bask in it for a moment. She couldn’t help it with the way Em just glowed.

Em cleared her throat, giving Stevie a nervous smile.

“Okay?” She asked.

“Oh! Yes. Thank you for finding this,” Stevie rushed to say, grabbing the jar from her and turning back to the pot she’d grabbed to heat the sauce and add her secret ingredients.

She could feel Em watching her, and instead of making her nervous like it should, it made her want to show off.

Stevie was a great cook, though she never did it unless it was for the kids she babysits or Robin.

“Do you want any help? I don’t wanna get in the way,” Em said, her face slightly pink.

Stevie didn’t need help, she could handle it easily, but having Em help her cook sounded like the kind of domestic fantasy she’d been picturing for almost a year now.

“Sure. You wanna add the pasta to the water first and then I’ll have you stir the sauce for a second?”

Em quickly followed her instructions as Stevie measured out some honey, brown sugar, and cayenne pepper to add to the sauce.

“Can I ask you something kind of…well, really personal? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to,” Em said nervously.

“Sure,” Stevie responded with a comforting smile.

She was used to personal questions from the kids. They meant well, and they were just curious, but sometimes they asked the wildest shit.

“How did you pick your name?”

Stevie didn’t expect that one. Not because she’d never been asked about it before, but because her name was so close to her birth name, most people just assumed she didn’t put much thought into it.

“I actually picked it because of a boy I spent most of my time with at summer camp when I was little. We were inseparable there, did everything together. I told him that sometimes I didn’t really feel like a boy, and that I knew I liked girls, but didn’t know why I wanted to be one sometimes. He started calling me Stevie and it just stuck. He was my best friend there for years until he just stopped coming. The next summer I ended up starting my transition and it just made sense to go by Stevie.”

Em was quiet. She stirred the ingredients into the sauce as Stevie spoke, not commenting when she was done.

“I don’t know what happened to him. Nobody at the camp knew.”

Em turned to Stevie with a frown.

“Nobody knew because Wayne made sure it was a secret. Even told the school that I was his niece he never knew about and his nephew had moved back home.”

Stevie’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Wayne was Eddie’s uncle…”

“Yeah…”

Em and Stevie stared at each other, until it dawned on Stevie what she was saying.

“Oh my god. It was you.”

The realization made Stevie let out a sob.

“I cried for a week straight the summer you didn’t show. They almost sent me home,” Stevie said, resisting the urge to throw herself at Em. She’d missed their friendship for years. “The counselor in my cabin tried calling Wayne even to find out where you were.”

Em’s eyes glistened with unshed tears.

“I’m sorry. I knew how to contact you, but I got scared. I didn’t want you to think I was doing anything to like, compete with you? I dunno. It’s stupid now. No one, especially not you, would think that,” Em rambled.

Stevie put down the dishes she was pulling from the cabinet and turned to Em.

“When I told my parents I was a lesbian, they asked about ‘that boy from camp’ and asked why I had to be trans and gay, like either of those things are a choice. I’m trying to imagine what the hell they would say about ‘that girl from camp.’”

“Well, she didn’t know she was a girl yet at camp. Not really.”

“But she was, whether she knew it or not.”

They were staring at each other, blush on both their cheeks.

“You wanna go pick a movie?” Stevie finally asked, trying to get a second of space so she could process everything.

“Sure.”

The moment Em left the kitchen, Stevie let out a shaky breath.

Everything made sense. The way she was drawn to Em so quickly, the way that even with her shyness, they got along so well. The way her wide eyes seemed familiar, but she couldn’t quite place them now that she wore mascara and eyeliner.

Stevie had loved Em before she was Em, it only made sense she loved her now.

She could hear Em turning on Netflix, the volume of the tv just loud enough to hear the opening notes on the welcome screen.

She drained the pasta, and placed some on the plates she’d just gotten down. She added a couple scoops of the sauce on top and sprinkled some Parmesan cheese over it all.

She brought the plates to the living room and smiled when she saw Em getting comfortable on the sofa.

“Your dinner, your majesty,” Stevie said dramatically, handing over the plate.

“Why thank you, chef,” Em replied just as dramatically.

Stevie sat down on the couch next to her, mixing the sauce around on the plate to evenly coat the noodles.

“I’m glad you got to be who you always felt like you were, Stevie,” Em said quietly. “I’m sorry I disappeared.”

“Hey, it’s okay. I get it. I’m glad you get to be Em now.”

“Yeah, me too.”

They smiled at each other fondly, then turned back to the movie and ate their dinner in silence.

It was 13 Going On 30, which had been one of Stevie’s favorites on movie night at camp.

Em remembered.

But Stevie couldn’t possibly say anything about it, it would give her feelings away in a second.

When they were both done eating, Em took the dishes to the kitchen to wash them and Stevie went to the bathroom to grab her nail polish collection.

But the mood had shifted a bit when they both made it back to the couch.

“I’m pretty tired,” Em sighed, curling up against the pillow on the end of the couch.

“I could paint your nails for you if you want? You can rest,” Stevie offered.

It may have been slightly selfish to offer at this point, but she would take what she could get.

Em gave her a soft smile and nodded.

“What color?” Stevie asked as she held out the basket.

“Surprise me. I trust you,” Em said as her eyes closed and she moved her hands out so Stevie had access to her nails.

“Oh. Okay.”

Stevie watched her for a moment, the way she relaxed into the couch, completely trusting Stevie to pick a color, paint her nails, and let her sleep.

Stevie found a dark red, nearly maroon, that she’d only used once and decided she didn’t like it with her skin tone, but knew it would work for Em.

She got started, focusing intently on making sure she didn’t get any on her skin, and going through two coats and a clear coat to make sure it stays fresh for at least a few days.

She leaned over to start gently blowing on them so they would dry faster.

When she looked up, Em’s eyes were open and she was giving her a sleepy smile.

“Thanks, Stevie,” Em whispered.

“Like the color?”

“Mhm. ‘S pretty, like you,” Em said before closing her eyes again.

What.

“What?”

Stevie couldn’t pull away or look away or stop her thoughts from racing.

Em didn’t date girls, that’s what she’d told Robin.

Then again, that was two years ago, when they were still in high school.

And maybe she’d said it to protect herself.

Hawkins wasn’t exactly a queer friendly space, that’s why Stevie had to be extremely careful during her transition, and why Em and Wayne had probably just straight up lied about hers.

But still.

Stevie gently placed Em’s hands down against the couch, hoping she wouldn’t move too much since they were still slightly wet.

She got up and ran to her room, furiously texting Robin.

Robin wasn’t answering but that didn’t stop her from sending a million texts.

She was damn close to a panic attack when she heard shuffling in the hall.

“Stevie? You awake?” Em asked outside her door.

“Uh, yeah. Come in!”

No! Stupid! You’re having a fucking crisis, don’t tell her to come in!

But she was in the room already, tired but concerned when she saw the way Stevie was rocking back and forth on her bed.

“What’s wrong?” Em asked as she sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Nothing. Just kind of tired.”

“You look strung out.”

“I’m fine.”

“Stevie-“ Em cut herself off with a shake of her head. “I’m sorry you found out like this. I should’ve told you earlier.”

“No, I get it. It’s okay. It’s not up to anyone but you who to tell and when, ya know? It’s your story, you’re the author, if you don’t wanna write it for others, then don’t.”

Em was smirking.

“That is word for word what Robin told me when I came out to her.”

Shit. Yeah, she’d given her that speech, too.

“You know, she asked me on a date once,” Em continued, scooting closer to Stevie in bed.

“I know.”

“I turned her down.”

“Yeah. You said you didn’t date girls.”

“That’s not what I said.”

Stevie watched as Em reached a hand out to cover Stevie’s knee.

“I said that I didn’t date girls who I couldn’t completely relate to,” Em said with a small smile. “You know what I mean?”

Stevie felt her body relax.

Em only dated trans women. It made sense.

“So like…”

“Stevie, I’ve been so fucking in love with you for so long, I don’t even think any other woman would have a chance in hell.”

Oh.

Okay.

“Can I kiss you?” Stevie managed to ask, despite her nerves and shock at the turn of events.

“Thought you’d never ask, sweetheart.”

When Stevie leaned in to kiss her, she knew this was one of those life altering moments, one of those events that happens and your entire life plan course corrects to completely revolve around this person, this thing happening.

When their lips met, Stevie knew she’d waited for this.

That anyone else she’d managed to kiss over the years couldn’t even be put on the same list as Em. That no matter what happened with them long term, she would never love anyone quite like she loved Em.

And with the way Em smiled into the kiss that neither of them wanted to pull away from, she seemed to think the same.

[alexissara]

The Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood - A Deck Of Brilliant Cards [Review]

The Cosmic Wheel Keeps On Spinning and it shows us a game of politics, sisterhood and ideas. In this game you draw cards and gaze into the future and past to craft a brighter path forward for yourself, your sisterhood, and maybe all of existence. However, there is more pressing matters, Fortuna has been exiled for 200 years and she has 800 years more to go and she can't take it anymore so she does a forbidden spell and calls fourth a Behemoth to help set her free. Get revenge, hug some friends and get to reading the cards.

This game is presented in a visual delight with some of the best sprite work I've ever seen, it is truly a beauty to behold. That beauty stays with it's writing as well, the content warnings it has are no joke and the content is unavoidable so please do read them for your own safety but I do think they are handled well, their brief, they give you an idea of the character and they add to the story in a way I think they were needed.

The gameplay is fairly simple you read people's fortunes picking from a limited set of choices based on what card you drew for what questions, you make cards, and in the last parts of the game you are doing a political worker placement game where you try to win an election. All these elements are simple and basic enough that they would work for a mobile game. It's extremally fun and easy to play.

The world itself is delightful, it's the kind of thing you play and you wish is real, that you could ascend and become a space witch with your loved ones and live eternally. It gives the world real problems, flawed systems and let you shape your own opinions about it. You may not be able to fix all the problems with society and there are times where the game even outside of card readings will present you with having to choose something you might not agree with but the game lets you engage with it's world in big ways and make big decisions.

This game is pretty queer and engaged in queer reality, your character is from the 1960s and she's some flavor of queer, what that flavor is is up to you as far as I can tell, she reads to me as like Demisexual and a Lesbian but I think there is plenty of cases to be made for other sexualities. If you choose Romance as the option you want to size then you will get with a woman, the game only has women in it outside of the demon you summon all other men are off screen, mentioned to exist sometimes positively, something neutrally, sometimes negatively. The games queerness adds to the theme of Sisterhood both being queer in the relationships the women are looking for while having some women express desire in men that exist off screen. It also is queer in that you help a trans woman transition into her true self. She is definitively a woman and you will be helping her out and you can potentially have her at your side for the political campaign. The broader sense of sisterhood here and the different things relationships to womanhood and other women can mean are really strong here.

Politically this game ranges from like American Democrat to arguably anarchist positions. When setting up your policies and seeing the policies of others you'll get a range of politics to choose from but ultimately you do only have 4 choices in most sections for policy. That said policy isn't all there is to the politics of the world itself. The world is fairly nice as it is, far better than earth as it stands so the base line is good and the previously mentioned queerness is never a conflict. They live in an all women sisterhood and while people travel and there are men in other places, obviously queerness is the most common thing for witches. In fact even polyamory is totally normalized in this world and while you can't be polyamorous romance is not a focus and you stating desire in someone else does not in any negative way impact your romantic relationship that you can get into with a hot butch lesbian. Then the politics have one last layer which is the cards, what you choose from the cards readings can also show a range of politics, beliefs and more from you. Choosing the choice you think is best for you, for them or the world. These can all paint a political picture outside of the range of your political campaign although your choices are also more RNG dependent and also tied to your cards. Plus there was a non RNG point where I did have to make an argument I really did not want to make and it really did annoy me especially in retrospect when It didn't factor into the game at all. However, that was the only moment in the whole game I felt like that when it wasn't based on RNG from the cards.

Now, I did not like the ending I got the first time I played this game through, some people will find that a somber ending, not getting what you wanted or paying the price you promised will be fitting but not I. So I played the game again, I speed ran through the game knowing the future now, in a way it felt very thematic, to know all the players, all the twists, all the turns and to use that to craft myself a perfect ending for everyone, a true happy utopia no matter what it too and I did it. A very small percent of people have managed to craft a truly happy ending but I am among them! I do think if I did not have the time of will to basically just rush through the game a second time I might have walked away with a worse impression of the game having disliked my ending and knowing I wouldn't have liked the other somber options either. However, it was really satisfying to make my ending even if it required a few additional hours of gameplay in which some of it I was more on auto pilot. The game is not super long and if you do the second run right after the first you won't need to reread a lot of what is going on only the choices you make differently.

Overall, this game is really a delight and something special, I think anyone who wouldn't struggle with the themes in the content warnings will really gain something from this game and for me it was a 10 hour little adventure on my first run, with a lot of that being taking time to think between choices because every choice felt like it mattered even if I knew the choice maybe wouldn't ever come up in game the people felt so real I wanted the best possible futures for them. This game is really special and has such fantast design and visuals that it is probably worth buying just to stare at and then actually playing it is another even better experience. Check out this game!

[ninja-muse]

As you might know if you saw my review the other day, my December felt very slumpy even though I read a lot of good books. I suspect this is because of book hangovers and working a busy Christmas retail season. (I also didn't write much because I kept coming home too wiped to think.)

But it was a good month! I managed to get to a couple new releases that I really wanted to, and I knocked a lot of books off my physical TBR because none of my ARCs looking interesting. I did have a DNF again, though, of a book that I was really hoping would be great. Isn't that always the way?

I also had two rereads! One because sometimes when you're at a loss to read, you pick up Pratchett, and one because I'd promised myself I'd get to it this year and dash it, I was going to! Weirdos of the Universe, Unite! was one of the most seminal books of my childhood, and it wasn't until I reread it that I realized just how much it was. I saw a lot of my personal attitude to life in Maddy, it was probably my first true urban fantasy even though there's a whole act on a spaceship, Baba Yaga is there as a very cranky but practical sort of witch…

As for my book haul, I just want to say that it was Christmas and I didn't actually buy anything? My parents came through with some really oddball picks, as I'd expected, my sister gifted me one of her favourite reads of the year, and friends helped feed my T. Kingfisher addiction. (More on that in my yearly wrap-up.)

But the book I'm most excited to have gotten is Hogfather, and not because of the pretty cover though that's a bonus. It is, in fact, the most astounding misprint I've ever seen and I couldn't pass up a chance at a free copy. I mean, how many times do you find a beloved book in which the entire thing is bound backwards?! Thank goodness the publisher didn't want it back, is all I'm saying.

And that's probably about it! I have no idea what book I'm going to start 2024 with, because I sort of read 200+ pages of Persepolis Rising last night so I could knock it off my list and now I'm recovering from the binge.

And now without further ado, in order of enjoyment…

A Power Unbound - Freya Marske

Jack, Alan, and their friends must find a hidden artifact and foil a plot. This would go better if Jack and Alan got along.

8/10

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (gay, bi man), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (gay, bi woman, lesbian, genderfluid) 🏳️‍🌈 author

All the Hidden Paths - Foz Meadows

Velasin and Caethari are still feeling out their relationship when they’re summoned to the capital and almost immediately find themselves targeted again..

7.5/10

🏳️‍🌈 main characters (mlm), 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (mlm), mute secondary character, cast of colour, 🏳️‍🌈 author warning: anxiety, aftermath of trauma, dubious consent

Last Chance to See - Douglas Adams with Mark Carwadine

A bumbling science fiction author travels the world in search of endangered animals.

7/10

Illuminations - T. Kingfisher

Rosa wants to help her artist-magician family, but instead she accidentally releases a creature bent on destroying them!

8/10

Lovecraft Country - Matt Ruff

Two Chicago families in the 1950s become caught up in a world of cults, ghosts, monsters, and magical danger. Fortunately, they’ve had lots of practice at mistrusting white folks.

7.5/10

primarily Black cast

warning: depicts Jim Crow-era racism, including slurs; also abusive family dynamics

Persepolis Rising - James S.A. Corey

Thirty years on, the system has achieved a new normal. So of course one of the colony planets decides it’s time to shake things up.

7.5/10

very racially diverse cast

Remarkably Bright Creatures - Shelby Van Pelt

A cleaner at an aquarium mourns her losses. A young California man seeks his absentee father. The resident octopus tries to bring them together.

7.5/10

Jamaican secondary character, Korean-American secondary character

Ragnarok - A.S. Byatt

A child in wartime discovers Norse mythology, and the ways myths and the world reflect each other.

7.5/10

warning: animal cruelty and injury

While Idaho Slept - J. Reuben Appelman

Four students are murdered in a single night, and what came before and after.

7/10

warning: violent murders

Monstress, Volume 3 - Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda (illustrator)

Maika finds temporary refuge from the people chasing her, but the local leaders want a favour in return.

7/10

one-armed protagonist, cast of colour, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (sapphic), Taiwanese-American author and Japanese-American illustrator

Reread

Weirdos of the Universe, Unite! - Pamela F. Service

Mandy and Owen get assigned a mythology paper, but then the characters they pick start coming to life and insisting they have a great purpose.

Black secondary character, Indigenous secondary character, Chinese secondary character

warning: somewhat lazy depictions of Indigenous and Chinese people

The Unadulterated Cat - Terry Pratchett with Gray Jolliffe (illustrator)

A humourous celebration of all things cat.

DNF

The Undetectables - Courtney Smyth

Someone’s committing Occult murders and a crack team of Occult investigators has been called in. Or, they’re totally going to be the crack team someday, at least.

main character with fibromyalgia, 🏳️‍🌈 secondary characters (lesbian), fat secondary character, Chinese-British secondary character, 🏳️‍🌈 author

Currently reading:

Music from the Earliest Notations to the Sixteenth Century - Richard Taruskin A history of early written European music, in its social and political contexts.

The Penguin Complete Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle Victorian detective stories

major disabled character

warning: racism, colonialism

Stats

Monthly total: 11+1 Yearly total: 128/140 Queer books: 2 Authors of colour: 1 Books by women: 6 Authors outside the binary: 0 Canadian authors: 0 Off the TBR shelves: 7 Rereads: 2 Books hauled: 8 ARCs acquired: 2 ARCs unhauled: 2 DNFs: 1

January February March April May June July August September October November

[princesscolumbia]

Pride Month 2024 - Day 11

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the single most controversial thing I've ever written:

🄳🄴🄰🄳 🄳🄾🅅🄴, 🄳🄾 🄽🄾🅃 🄴🄰🅃!

🪦🕊️🔞"BAMF" or "Ranma is Fucked"🔞🕊️🪦

(Looking for a link? Keep reading)

This is a "dead dove" fic. If you're unfamiliar with the concept, it's based on the GIF of the guy finding a bag in the fridge labelled "Dead Dove, Do Not Eat!" He opens it and finds...a dead dove, and upon the discovery of the very thing the bag was labelled for, he says, "I don't know what I was expecting."

Yeah, that one.

A 'dead dove' fic is one where the author has chosen to dip into some pretty problematic stuff. Maybe it's something specific to the fandom, the genre, the age group of the target demographic...whatever the problem, they've properly identified it as a dead dove fic at the outset, usually be either putting something in the title, the tags, using a warning system if one is available, sometimes all of those and more.

Basically, it's the author putting a big-ol "DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT!" on their fic, so at that point if someone opens the bag and discovers that there is, in fact, a dead dove, that person has nobody but themselves to blame.

Getting it yet? This is a dead dove fic. Last chance to keep scrolling before getting into problematic stuff that might trigger you. Still with me? The rest of this post is below the cut:

"BAMF" or "Ranma is Fucked"

Summary:

The day after Ranma (pretending to be 'cousin Ranko') is seduced by/accidentally seduces her mother, she gets to face the world with the knowledge that she is, indeed, a mother fucker.

First off, yes, this is based on another fic, a oneshot from an author who admitted they don't do well writing long-form, so it was a concept they thought of and dropped the (very, very good) short story and moved on. You can find that fic here if you're so inclined, but even BeehiveCitizen has acknowledged that I've built on their work so much reading their story may not be necessary. In fact, my most recent glowing comment on "BAMF" confirms this:

I shouldn't like this fic. It's main theme is a major personal squick. I don't usually read Dead Dove fics. I'm squicked by most incest play and the terms Daddy or Mommy or Babygirl in sexual settings are quick turn offs. There are lots of good reasons why I shouldn't like this fic. I'm not even sure why I chose to read it. I've spent the last week reading or rereading every single trans Ranma story on this site, but normally I'd still skip a Mother/Daughter fic. But some whim made me decide to give it a shot. I shouldn't like this fic. But I fucking loved it. I loved every fucking scene Nabiki showed up in. I loved watching Ranma discover and then embrace her own sexual nature, while still struggling with gender identity and her relationship with Nodoka. I loved seeing Ukyou embrace gender fluidity. Akane's lesbian realization. All of the characters in this story felt like realized characters, albeit ones that keep making incredibly poor choices and can't keep their hands off each other. Which, granted most of the characters are teenagers so that follows. The humor was amazingly hilarious. So much of the fic left me actually giggling out loud, from the first scene on. I am giggling right now just remembering parts of it. The drama was heart wrenching. Watching Ranma struggling with her gender, her fears and self loathing over lying to her mother about her identity. The end of chapter 5 where Ranma has her moment of anguish followed by how hard she spirals at Nodoka's flinch was so heartbreaking to read, yet so well done. And the part at the end where Ranma falls into depression... That hit me hard. I've had my own struggles with depression, and your depiction was viscerally familiar without being triggering. I absolutely loved Ranma's drunken breakdown to Konatsu. Konatsu was always my favorite Ranma side character, and I would be so interested in seeing her POV in that scene. The sex scenes are damn good. I'll admit I didn't really get anything out of the Ranma/Nadoka scenes. Major squick and all. But they were done so well I never thought about skipping or just skimming them. And the rest of them... Fucking hell that's good smut. My favorite must have been the Ryoga scene. The whiplash from Ranma's gender breakdown to drowning her issues with sex was perfect. And I also love me some well done Ranma/Ryoga. I love this fic. I came home at almost midnight from an extra long shift at work and discovered it while lying in bed looking for something to read before sleeping. I didn't sleep. I could not put this fic down. I spent all day today at work with it buzzing in my head. I'm considering making it my next ficbinding project so I can have a nice hardback copy of it. I read your extended notes on Tumblr about it. I'm at work now waiting for my relief to get in while writing this essay of a comment. I am eagerly awaiting that promised sequel. I'm an old school Ranma fan. I've been reading Ranma fanfic since I was a teenager in the 90s. I love Ranma fanfic. It was Ranma fanfic that first cracked my egg, even if I spent 20 years after that trying to glue it back together. So I've read the works of the old masters. And let me say this, hearing this story described as the Dark Mirror Universe version of Kenko's Girl Days hit me in the head like a lead pipe and left me dazed and seeing stars.

When I started "BAMF" I was in the middle of reviving Fission, grinding on LLW, and chunking out "Return to Sender" and "Afraid to Ask." I didn't anticipate actually spending that much time on this; a chapter or five, probably short form to keep from straying off into the weeds, then done.

I shall now quote my girlfriend's reaction to the end result:

"You wrote a 110-THOUSAND word incest smutfic!!!!"

Which is, strictly speaking, true. One cannot deny that there's a lot of smut in it, a good chunk of it is incest smut, and there are, indeed, over 110,000 words in the thing.

But what I didn't expect was to wind up crafting one of the damned finest transfemme Ranma pieces I could even imagine.

Of course, it came with baggage. I'm pretty firmly no longer welcome in parts of the fandom. Like, at all. Certain authors and community members have proactively blocked me on the socials and there's a handful of fics I can't leave comments on because some people have conflated, "You wrote this" with "You endorse this." Which...no, that's not how it works.

(Not going to rabbit hole the whole "pro/anti-shipping" discourse because it's dumb and stupid and it should be obvious which side I think is phenomenally dumb and stupid)

Also, I don't know many erotica pieces you know where the author put in, "This shit's fucked, if you're experiencing any of it IRL PLEASE seek help!" in their fic at regular intervals. Which, you know, is something I did. Because sometimes people are deep in the shit and don't know it until they read their lived experience and someone points out that no, relating to that character is not a good thing.

A gentle reminder that the behaviors and actions in this fic are not to be normalized or accepted. RP is fun and enticing, actual incest, abuse, and suicidal ideations are not.

Suicide Prevention Hotline

For the U.S.A.: 988 Hotline

For the U.K.: SPUK

Resources for your country: psychologytoday.com/Suicide Hotlines and Prevention Resources Around the World

Reporting Domestic Abuse

Identifying and Reporting Domestic Abuse in the USA: Wikihow

For the U.K.: UK.gov

Resources for your country: International Center for Missing and Exploited Children

Abduction of a minor

For the U.S.A.: Call 911

For the U.K.: Call 999

For your country: Call the Emergency Police line in your area

Resources for abducted children: International Center for Missing and Exploited Children

If you recognize the behaviors in this fic in you or the people you are in relationships with, get to a place of safety and seek help as soon as possible.

[mothmage]

20 Qs for fic writers

Tagged by @monstersinthecosmos , thank you!!!

1. How many works do you have on A03? 31 (and a few anon, i think 2 or 3. idk, when i post a fic on anon i forget about it forever)

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 446,135

3. What fandoms do you write for? currently/primarily vc, iwtv (amc), star wars, and merlin (bbc)!

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? A Lovely Little Normal Life (which, honestly, kind of annoys me lol. i know it's just bc it's a huge fandom, but really? the stupid little 12k harry potter fic i wrote in two days is my most kudos? please...); Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (forever pushing my lesbian genderswap agenda); The Face of God (les mis slightly canon divergent javert character study); The Odyssey of Recollection (amc iwtv s1 pov armand); Away From Stranger Tides (potc philip/syrena fic i started ages ago and never finished, lol)

5. Do you respond to comments? yes i love talking to people in comments!!!! i've made a lot of friends through comments!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? omg. umm. merthur fans don't know this yet bc i havent finished posting but it's arthur pendragon long may she reign (BUT it's part of a series, so it's literally fine). idk, i dont tend to write long fics that end angsty. but my angstiest fic in general is probably Hollow-Boned Boy (armand contemplating his human life in the early CoD era) or Vision of the Damned (daniel's turning from armand's pov)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i love a happy ending!! my series Odysseus in White Silk is probably the happiest ending, and in such an undeserved way hahaha it's so very AU because i was sad after s1 of the show and just wanted them all (and armandaniel) to live happily ever after

8. Do you get hate on fics? i dont think i ever have, but i tend to read comments in good faith too, so maybe someone out there is annoyed that i interpreted their vague dislike comment as a genuine comment or something, idk. in general though, i'll say no

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yes but i dont post that often, idk if there's a particular kind, but generally it tends to be a little rougher than is probably appropriate without discussion in real-life situations, but also very...idk my friend described it as very tender, like theyre very clearly in love. which is so funny considering that that kind of tenderness irl gives me fucking hives lmfao

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? oh wow, not in a long time. i do have a wip sitting around rn that's a crossover between london spy and cloud atlas, which is really crazy until you remember that ben whishaw is in both london spy and the cloud atlas movie lol. and cloud atlas is already about weird reincarnations and parallel worlds and stuff, so it isnt too out-there.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? i dont think so!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes!! The Face of God was translated into Korean by ao3 user Crescent919 !! i've had a few comments on other fics asking to translate for personal use (always yes, of course), but no one else has asked to share a translation publicly

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no!! i've been thinking about it lately though

14. What’s your all time favorite ship? all-time? probably merlin/arthur from merlin (bbc). it's the whole fate-destiny-choice thing, it just compels me like nothing else

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? hmmm, i would like to finish Roswell -- well, kinda (agent carter farm girl / alien crash landing au) because i still have all the original notes and outlines and stuff. i also made a shitty conlang when i was first writing it, which is crazy lol. but it would need some pretty serious revisions, and i would definitely rewrite the first few chapters that i posted years ago. i just kind of lost the agent carter bug, but i might return to that fic if i ever get in the mood for it again.

16. What are your writing strengths? ooh, i'm not really sure! i get a lot of comments mentioning characters' voices and/or personalities, so i would say maybe that!!! i also feel that i'm fairly good at mimicking an author's writing style when i want to (notably, i do not mimic anne rice when writing vc fic, lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses? editing for sure. i have at least a hundred fics sitting on my hard drive fully or almost-fully written that i just need to edit. but i would simply rather die than do all of that. it's also why my whole merlin fic got put on pause while i went down the vc rabbithole, because i just can't bring myself to go edit the next chapters lol

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? hmm, i think it's usually unnecessary and comes off as a bit silly. that said, i did do it once (maybe excessively) in Daniel Molloy, Time Bandit (1984 daniel ends up in 1794 theatre des vampires, it's more of a character study than a time travel fic) BUT, let me defend myself -- i did it because daniel doesnt understand french, it's his pov, and he's incredibly confused and distraught for most of the fic. i felt like the dialogue being in french conveyed this sort of "daniel does not belong in this time/place" vibes. but, also, my french is...a little rough. so i'm sure it's an annoying fic for french readers lmao

19. First fandom you wrote for? warriors cats, a million years ago hahahah

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? ok, i have three different answers for this. the fic i think is the best, objectively, in terms of writing and content: The Story of Dani [...] (r63 devil's minion from armand's pov, starting with lestat's house). the fic i am the proudest of, mostly because it was my first "big" fic (it's funny now, bc it's only 41k) and i feel like i grew a lot as a writer while working on it, and i'm still happy with it: The Face of God (les mis pov javert, character study from childhood). the fic i have the most fun with and think about almost 24/7: Arthur Pendragon, Long May She Reign (r63 merthur, canon divergence, this is like a 4-part series that's currently over 300k lmao)

no-pressure tagging: @aunteat @leslutdepointedulac @butchybats @graygiantess and anyone else who wants to!!

[likehephaestionwhodied]

Can you pretty please make a history of leather lesbians post? Your reblog about lesther daddies made me cry because it was so full of love and respect.

I'm gonna start with the bad news, which is no I can't. That post and the specifics of that post come from 1. being a leatherman and 2. months of intense research prepping to write my master's thesis. And so that is full of academic history. And I'm not knocking non-academic history; I rely on non-academic community history for my thesis; almost entirely, there is very little academic history on the community. But that's the thing, it's community history and I've never been a member of that community.

This is not good or bad news, but because of the nature of some leather spaces, particularly the ones I write about in my thesis, there is very little if any, cross-over of gay men and lesbian leather. THIS DOES NOT MEAN IT DOES NOT HAPPEN but this is why I know very little.

During the 70s there was an anti-sex push that affected gay leathermen and leather lesbians differently. Leather lesbians were in the trenches fighting for their right to also be feminists because there was a huge feminist movement that all sex is bad, particularly sex that looks like or is heterosexual sex and leather/SM is abuse etc. etc. Which is a dynamic that is different from what leathermen are looking at which is more "we should try to be like heterosexuals and stop having so much weird sex"

The good news is I do have some things you could read if you want to get a rudimentary grasp of lesbian leather history.

Leatherfolk: Radical Sex, People, Politics, and Practice edited by Mark Thompson. This is a collection of essays by leatherfolk, by virtue of the editor being a gay leatherman there's an over-representation of gay men in this collection but there are essays by lesbians. Gayle Rubin [who we're gonna talk more about later] writes about a fisting club for gay men but she talks about when Lesbians and women in general were included. But there are other essays by lesbians about lesbians.

Coming to Power: Writings and Graphics on Lesbian S/M Edited by members of SAMOIS a lesbian/feminst S/M Organization. This is going to be probably the most helpful to anyone looking for a historical grounding in Lesbian leather. It's not a text on the history of leather rather, it's a primary source, these are leather lesbians talking about their experence. The unfortunate thing is, and you'll run into this a lot with niche community groups, it's hard to get your hands on. You're looking at 150-200 dollars if you want to buy the third edition. But I found it on accident in my university's library, so you might be able to find it in your local academic library (I am in the middle of Nebraska so there's a little bit of hope for you, too where ever you are.) OR you might be able to get it through interlibrary loan, there might also be like PDF copies floating around.

There are two people I'll point you towards as being the two people I know that have written on this subject.

Patrick Califia: Patrick is a trans man who, in the late 70s and early 80s prior to identifying as a trans man, was a big name in the San Francisco lesbian leather community. He is featured three times in Coming to Power and has an essay in Leatherfolk he is referenced in a lot of the gay male press as being the lesbian point of contact, also an erotica writer. So his early stuff might be helpful.

Gayle Rubin: If you are want to read heavy academia about queers in general, Rubin is who you should start with. She essentially invents Queer Theory with her article "Thinking Sex." the most pertinent article for my answer to you is "The Leather Menace" The title itself is a derivative of "lavender menace," and it plays with this theme that you see over and over and over again across the queer leather community of being a marginalized community inside an already marginalized community.

Rubin also wrote one of the best academic pieces on the gay male leather community The Valley of the Kings, it was never published and exists in only two places, Ann Arbor at the University of Michigan and Chicago at the Leather Archives and Museum. I have not gotten to read it in full. Someday I'll grow the balls to email her and ask her if there's an easier way to read it.

If you read these anthologies, goggle these women, google the organizations they mention. I know absolutely nothing about Dykes on Bikes but surely someone's written some kind of history about them.

If you have the chance go to The Leather Archives and Museum, there's a heavy emphasis on gay leathermen, but it is a community archive for all the leather community.

The thing about digging for the history of this community is there is no published "here is the history of the leather community" you have to read this person's memoir and the clippings you could find of this or that publication and someone's history of this that or some other organization.

I'm sure if some 50-year-old Leather Dyke comes across this, it'll be met with, "Okay, kid you have no idea what you're talking about." and to her and everyone else, I'd say, "yeah, no, I don't have a clue." this is just where I would start if I wanted to dig into this topic.

[indigo-flightly-falls]

My friend wanted a list of middle school era books I've read that either have explicit queer characters or characters that could be read as queer if you try so I'm making this

Ok getting a couple of obvious ones out of the way:

Wings of Fire by Tui T Sutherland It's a middle grade series focused around dragons. You can't skip any books but the second and third arcs have so many queer characters. We've got a nb human, an on page lesbian relationship including a major protagonist, a trio that most like to headcanon as poly with one of the characters being hinted at being bi, a background lesbian relationship as two characters being the moms of a protagonist, and other assorted characters! It's also a rather fun read that dives into some deeper topics then you might expect. Heavy trigger warning for the following topics: Arc 1: war, death, genocide, starvation, rather unsanitary eating habits, mild child abuse, using a child as a weapon, rather graphic deaths/wounds, a pov character being blinded at the end of a book, and probably a few things I missed. OH YEAH WAIT sorry the murder of unborn babies by smashing their eggs specifically for the second book Arc 2: referenced gore (specifically making someone gut themselves, it's all in the past), mentions of a massacre, unhealthy relationships, child abuse, child neglect, again using a child as a weapon but this time it's the aftermath, really bad trust issues, manipulation, war again, illnesses, improper use of magic that kills lots of dragons, graphic deaths/wounds, genocide, and probably a few other things Arc 3: war, war and more war, child abuse, attempted genocide of an entire species, a rather dystopian world, mass murder, execution, what could be called slavery, kidnapping, possession via a plant, abandoning those in need to die, uh there's some spooky cult stuff going on as well. Honestly this arc is pretty dark

Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard by Rick Rodian While I know mythology isn't for everybody, this aint the worse series. It's based on the norse gods, and it basically a comedy! It's a trilogy told by a sixteen year old ghost who's the son of a norse god. It's very chaotic but has it's serious moments as well. The protag is implied to be pan, there's a very prominent genderfluid character (although she's not the best representation, it's still representation and I mean, that's pretty good). Also the single most queer coded characters I have ever seen (Blitz and Hearth, you meet them early) Trigger warning for the following topics: Death, the afterlife and conflicting beliefs, homelessness, mentioned transphobia, severe child abuse, ableism towards a deaf character, mentions of intestines being used as ropes, murder, as well as general norse mythology things

Now some less obvious ones!

The Magisterium Series (I can never spell it so I call it the Iron Trial series) While not having any queer main characters, there are at least two canon gay relationships between background characters. At the very least it's an interesting look at a world of magic and how it interacts with humans Trigger warning for the following topics: Death, murder, mass murder, attempted murder of a baby, child endangerment, honestly I don't even know how to warn for this. It's dark, be warned. There are very few punches pulled.

The Skyborn Series by Jessica Houry Sadly no canon characters, but like. There are two that give off such strong qpr vibes in the 3rd book. It's a good series to read anyways, does a good job at subverting some expectations on how things will end! (also, I like to headcanon the characters are queer. Gussie gives off aro lesbian vibes) Trigger warning for the following topics: Corrupt king who screws over people, a rather corrupt system in general, slight gore, death of a pov character, mild world is ending talk, the hunting down of a child (several times), kinda implied child abuse? at least neglect, death of a parental figure, kinda implied genocide? basically the king wants to kill every last phoenix and it is stated that another villain wants to kill everyone so-

Warrior Cats Alright this may shock you, but while we don't have canon queer characters, there are two very popular gay couples and a very common headcanon of a trans character. I do not recommend reading the whole series! The first four arcs are all you need if you're really interested, but if you just want the queer characters here you go: Tallstar's Revenge: one of the almost canon gay couples is shown. It's never called that but it's easy to see Tallstar and Jake's relationship through those lens Ravenpaw's Path/Ravenpaw's Farewell: a manga and a novella respectively that showcases Ravenpaw and Barley's relationship! They're both decent reads if you want something quick! There's nothing specific for the trans character, uh Rowanfur I believe. He's not even close to a main character sadly. That being said, there are a lot of people (myself included) who have headcanons for other characters or ocs who are queer! I am not listing all the trigger warnings for Warrior Cats. but for the few books I suggested: Child abuse, child neglect, death, near death, really bad injuries, lasting effects of childhood trauma, unhealthy coping meconizums, not great parent/child relationships, and some other related things

---

I'm so tired I'm posting this and calling it a night. I'm so tired I'll rb and add more if I think of them

@10piecechickenmcnugget here ya go sage :D

[cairavende]

Worm Arc 13 thoughts:

Everything is fine, everyone is doing great, but Brian might need to use some vacation days. Just, I dunno, something tells me the dude might benefit from a short break.

We start right off with Taylor refusing to admit she kicked Mannequin's ass, even though all of her allies and all of his allies both agree she did. Which is my daughter 101. I wish she could love herself a little more.

Lisa got her game. It might not be perfect but I think it was well done by her. It still gives them more structure to work with, and more ways to fight back. As this arc shows.

Aisha is way to fucking reckless. I mean I feel for her I really do, but god damn girl. Sometimes your teammates are right! Even if your brother can be a bit of a dick about it.

General note, I absolutely love how Wildbow wrote stuff around Aisha using her power. Just every bit of it. It is very good. I have legit multiple times during this went "Oh fuck I forgot about IMP!" and that is perfect.

Mannequin kills Lucy, so he goes from being on my shit list to being on my super shit list. I'm going to be sad if I never get to see him die.

If Bentley had died I would have burned the world down. So luckily that didn't happen.

Sucks that Mannequin also killed some of Skitter's people. And that he ended up living in the end. But it was fun to watch him get his ass kicked a second time and have to get saved by Burnscar.

I fucking LOVE Genesis. I'm so glad we get to see more of her. Her power is so much fun.

WOLFSPIDER! Taylor bonding with Bitch over trauma. Taylor basically thinking you want someone to tell you want to do. And then “You had me at no holds barred"! AHHHH! Murder lesbians. Go fuck them up girls.

Skitter had a pretty decent plan for attacking the Nine, all things considered. Very good use of their strengths and the abilities they had on hand. But she did make one major mistake. Well, to be fair everyone involved did. And that was having Trickster be the only sniper. They should have brought a few of Coil's troops. Even one more half competent sniper and they would have killed one of the Nine in that first attack. If they had brought Coil's Sniper? 2 of the Nine dead minimum, maybe 3.

Also, the mannequins for Trickster to swap people with were very clever. Though they could have prevented Brian getting captured if they had brought 1 more. And you don't even need a good sniper with those. Point a gun at the head of a mannequin. Swap and shoot at basically the same moment. Bullet hits them before they even know they've swapped and you can't miss. But still, they did pretty good.

I mean maybe not from Grue's PoV, but whatever. He didn't die! He's fine.

Cherish getting absolutely fucking DESTROYED by Tattletale! Oh god it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Cherish tries to get into Tattletales head and Tattletale is just constantly 10 steps ahead and just gaaahhh! Fuck I love it. I would read 100 chapters that was just Tattletale fucking with people like that.

The setup Skitter used to talk to the Protectorate was so fucking cool. Full blown mimicking human speech with only bugs?! She's amplified her words before, but never had the bugs speak entirely on their own. Just the most badass thing. The thing that makes everyone remember you! Swarm of bugs shows up at the superhero base, takes the shape of a person and starts talking with bug sounds, saying "oh hey we just kicked the fuck out of the Nine and captured two of them, wanna actually be heroes and help us finish this?" God damn.

Also Trickster getting through a locked door by teleporting the lock away was very neat.

Of course the heroes don't help. Miss Militia and her "We can handle that on our own, with more calculation and less recklessness." Really? Are you really going to have less recklessness? Cause I've read the interlude. But more on that later.

HOLY FUCK IT SUCKS TO BE BRIAN! I mean, he got better. But still!

I knew my daughter wasn't going to die. I knew her two girlfriends weren't going to die. I was pretty sure Imp and Grue weren't going to die (I wasn't sure how Grue was living but it seemed likely) but even with all that I was kinda panicking during the whole Bonesaw thing.

SECOND TRIGGER EVENT! SECOND TRIGGER EVENTS CONFIRMED! FUCK YES! I'M SO SORRY THAT HAD TO HAPPEN TO YOU BRIAN BUT THAT WAS SO COOL!

Fucking power thief! So much possibility here!

Siberian a projection confirmed. I mean basically confirmed. Confirmed enough for me. Like sure the details aren't revealed and such, but they are totally some form of projection. (I don't list my predictions on here usually so everyone will just have to trust me when I say I guessed Siberian was a projection in arc 11 or 12.)

Also saw some (I assume) other alternate earths in that trigger event, which is neat. I'm sure they'll never come up again.

Skitter sending a note to the Protectorate that was basically "We killed one and injured another, you are a bunch of cowards that suck, fuck you!" was wonderful.

I am very sad for Doll Lesbian and I hope someone can help her! She needs care in this trying time. Cause I love her and she is so cool and it isn't fair that shitty things are happening to her.

"It isn't fair that shitty things are happening to her" is like, 85% of Worm I'm pretty sure though, so I'll probably just have to deal.

Lisa put a blanket on Taylor when she fell asleep. GAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

Interlude 1 - Aisha's mother sucks. I'm so sorry for the poor girl. Aisha also makes very bad choices. She got so fucking lucky she got away from the Nine the first time and then just went and got herself caught anyway! The fact that her power is passive and she has to work to turn it off sure fucking sucks though.

Interlude 2 - Hey Miss Militia, remember how I said I was going to get back to the "more calculation and less recklessness"? Cause we're back to that. Piggot is planning on dropping WHITE PHOSPHOROUS on part of a city! And then dropping a bunch of bombs made by a dangerous supervillain! Bombs that no one knows exactly what they do! How is that "less recklessness"? Also the PRT is just horribly run. God damn Piggot shouldn't have to be requesting stuff from other offices directly, they should have a central admin that manages reallocation of resources in situations like this. And they should have a full system of teams setup that aren't attached to a city, but instead deploy where they are needed! The government already has systems like this for disaster response and stuff. And between Endbringers and the Nine and other stuff the PRT knows that sometimes certain locations need more support. Terribly managed, badly run, they need better admin staff. They need people that know how to use a god damn spreadsheet. I have a lot more to say about Piggot and her plan but I feel like I'll get some chances to comment on it in Arc 14.

[crystallinestars]

OMG I almost completed my response to you on my phone... then the Tumblr app refreshed and nuked it all. So sad 😿 No such thing as a too long response from you tho ! Your thoughts are always really interesting to read.

For real though, same with wanting to celebrate hahaha. Actually tomorrow I might go get myself milk tea🧋to mark the occasion hahaha. Let's celebrate this banner and Pride Month 😼

I figured that the lack of Kaveh in the banner was due to the whole Destroyer of Worlds thing, but to be over a year, it feels like overkill at this point. 😭 I guess I'll keep an eye out for any Nilou-related banner leaks, as that might signal Kaveh's return...

I'm so shook about those localization issues 😭 The masculine pronouns thing, that's a REALLY big mess up on the part of the translators!! I don't want to go full dunking on them or anything but it's really weird that such errors were made... And pushing the whole personal beliefs thing is really wrong... Like translating CN, JP to EN in a way that conveys the original nuance is definitely challenging, whyyy would they just toss in their own agenda as well...?

I wonder if CN->JP and CN->KR deals with any similar issues... I've heard that for some non-English, non-CJK localizations, the translation is first run through a second language and then the target language, which I feel really makes things even more murky. 🫠

Yeah when such fans make sexuality HCs, they fixate most on either exclusively gay or exclusively lesbian. Probably it's cos if they chose anything else, they feel that the possibility of their fave (or the characters in their fave ship) being shipped with the opposite gender is too threatening. Ofc they could have fun with these HCs and enjoy making them with their friends, but these days it seems like they aren't even having fun anymore and they're just using these HCs as a reason to get mad at + harass those who disagree with them...

And now that you mention it, indeed I don't think I've ever seen a straight HC ! It's as if they are too afraid to do this hahaha. Or like, they use the most stereotypical criteria to determine what is "straight" and what is not. Flashback to the Kaveh rant from before hahahah. Like these people are all about bringing down the binary+gender roles til it comes to BL stuffs then they are suddenly OK with the heteronormativity that they are supposedly against. 💀 But it is pretty weird that they try to grasp at anything to prove "not straight, not straight!" Like how come they can't just make their HC in peace without needing to aggressively prove things, without going sicko mode on people with different HCs? 🤨 As far as I know, I haven't seen people from our lil corner of Kavehnation the fandom attempt to storm some rando's post with the intention of going "no!!!! ___ should be with a [man/woman/etc]!!!!" Like we definitely have strong words about the state of things, but overall we're minding our own business without having to bug people who think differently from us.

Oh Mihoyo, look what you've created... I guess that in fandom, BL/GL stuffs tend to be most appealing for some reason. So they're able to keep around the most unhinged, rabid parts of the fandom because of the massive BL/GL ship pandering that they do... haizz.

The thing about toxicity in Chinese fandom is interesting!!! 😲 When you say that there are the fans who fight over BL and NL ships, is it like those old-school ship wars? Like "my ship is better than yours!!! 😡" thing minus the 2020s homophobia accusations...?

And you mention the Russian fandom!! This makes me remember when last year, I corresponded with a Russian Genshin enjoyer. She was pretty much exclusively into BL ahahah. But I think I've seen Russian Genshin artists who make NL stuff !

I've witnessed a bit of Vietnamese fandom, only on Twitter though and it seems that NL is decently popular. ScaraLumi in particular seems to be a hit with many VN fans, popular enough to warrant the creation of a zine (which I wanted to preorder but was too late for!! but I digress again)

It was a pleasant surprise to see that Aventurine has two popular NL ships ^^ I could def see AvenStelle becoming the next ChiLumi hahaha, I know that there was even an artist who iirc even drew a ChiLumi + AvenStelle thing cos to her they have such similar vibes/dynamics. And yeah I'm hoping that they don't try to tie Aventurine to Ratio and do the same pandering stuff that they did in Genshin...

And it's so unfortunate for Kaveh. 😞 It's the reason why people think of him as just "ship bait," cos of the way Mihoyo treats him, and then how the fandom treats him in turn...

I'm surprised by the number of NL ships for him though! I only knew about KavehLumi, Kavelou, Kaveh+Faruzan, and then from your previous responses Kaveh+Candace ! I didn't know that he's been paired with Layla too :o (Speaking of Layla, I've been getting into Alhaitham+Layla recently which is apparently rarepair 😪)

And OMG KavehLumi week!!!! I looked at the prompts, I could feel the gears turning and the inspiration cooking hahahah. I will see if I could do some writing stuffs for this (I wish I could do art too, but alas I have no art skill).

For Kaveh food, I'd like to do mostly writing stuff, be it just solo focus, with Lumine/Nilou, or with OC ! I would like to fully understand his personality tho, as I feel that I don't fully have a grasp of like... his POV I guess? I don't want to mischaracterize him. 😅 Like I guess for me, writing Kaveh would be easier compared to more brooding types like Scara, Xiao, etc. but still... And I'd also like to read more books so that I could find ways to improve my writing quality. I guess whatever food I end up cooking, it'll mostly be for the sake of writing exercise, although I'm hoping it would be at least sufficiently readable.

Big thanks for your kind words!!! So 4th member is Bennett. My lineup is now Layla, Faruzan, Scara, Benny. I'm a lot more satisfied with this team compared to my previous one because it feels like everyone serves a purpose and gets the job done hahahah. Like my previous team was just smashing and bashing everything with elemental reactions, but this new team utilizes mechanics like shields, supports, etc... I feel good hahahah.

Big thank you always for the interesting discussions and kind responses!!!! Hope you have a warm and peaceful day 🙌🏻

Welcome back 🍓Anon! So sorry to hear about tumblr deleting your text 😢 Maybe next time you could try typing it out on the notes app on your phone, and then copy-pasting it? I don’t think you have the luxury of saving your ask as a draft like I do.

lol go get that milk tea and get me a cup too! There’s a lot to celebrate this month already 😎

Yeah, the pronoun thing was a huge error on the translators’ part, but I don’t fault them for it too heavily. I don't speak or understand Chinese so feel free to correct me if what I say is wrong, but as far as I know, Chinese as a language is not as gendered as English is. A lot of the time you can only determine the gender of people based on context, and they often use gender-neutral terms.

This is something I saw someone else point out, so I can’t prove if this is correct, but in Chinese, they have a special gender-neutral term when referring to deities (that's why all the Aeons in HSR are referred to as 'they'). Going off of this, I can see how the translators could have gotten mixed up, or not have known the gender of some of the characters (mind you, this mistake was made long before Nahida and Arlecchino were revealed), so they defaulted to masculine pronouns.

I’ve seen English localizers push their political agendas in the anime and games they translated (ex: miss kobayashi's dragon maid), but I don’t think Hoyoverse’s translators fall into that category. Considering how popular Genshin is, I would imagine people would have pointed out long ago if there were huge discrepancies between English and Chinese dialogue. That doesn't mean the translators aren't including biases in their translations, we just don't know for sure. But if they are, then it's not as egregious/obvious as with Kobayashi, for example.

And you’re right, the translation for other languages all comes from a single language, which happens to be English. The gender mistake wasn’t found in CN, KR, and JP, but EN and all other languages had it. So it’s safe to say they use English as the baseline for the other translations (maybe there are some exceptions, but I'm not aware of them).

lol you are absolutely right about the hypocrisy of certain BL/GL shippers! They want to dismantle the binary and gender roles, and get upset at straight pairings for promoting traditional gender roles, but then use these exact stereotypes for their queer ships. If you call them out on their hypocrisy, they’ll claim it’s “better/more interesting” when it’s done with a gay pairing vs a straight one.

Heck, even in real life I’ve seen a male celebrity post an innocent photo of him and his wife online, and some comments were saying how seeing a straight couple is boring, and that gay couples are more interesting. Like damn, do queer people only exist as pure entertainment for them?

Mihoyo is definitely to blame for feeding into the delusions of toxic shippers, but I also have to wonder why BL and GL is so popular in the first place. BL has a huge market, and it predominantly consists of women. I did some research into why women in particular like BL, but to be honest, I still don’t get it. It’s not a mindset I can ever understand or relate to. Similarly, a lot of fujoshi can’t understand the mindset of women who like NL or self-insert, and so we get a lot of conflict regarding shipping.

There are as many outlooks on shipping as there are people in the world, and there will always be conflict. Ever since the invention of the internet, it became harder to avoid conflicting opinions since it's so much easier to find them now.

Regarding toxicity in the Chinese fandom. My friend never divulged any details, so I can’t say for sure, but I imagine ship wars there are as you described them. I have also seen some Chinese fanartists have similar grievances as us regarding BL baiting and delusional behaviors of fujoshi. It seems to be a universal thing.

VN fandom sounds heavenly 😭 omg.

Alhaitham x Layla is definitely cute! There’s an artist I follow that made some really good fanart of them (https://mobile.x.com/luckylalal/media). I also like Alhaitham x Lisa haha. I feel like every NL ship is a rarepair, barring certain MC ships. It’s just so dry in this fandom 😭 But whenever someone expresses how NL shippers have it rough in fandom, the toxic people come out of the woodwork to mock us, saying “The straights like to act so oppressed, but if they just go outside, they’ll see a ton of straight couples 🙄” and I just 🤦‍♀️. Because first of all, fictional ships and real life are completely different things! Second of all, not only straight people like NL ships. And third, bi and pan people in different-sex relationships exist too😩 But not in their eyes, clearly :/ But I digress.

If you write anything for Kavehlumi week, I will be over the moon! I would love to have a lot of content to share on my Twitter to spread the love! No pressure, though.

If you’re looking to get a better grasp on Kaveh’s character, I recommend his hangout if you haven’t done it already. I sometimes replayed it to remind myself of how Kaveh actually is, because the fandom's portrayal of him does him so dirty. The interdarshan event was also pretty good at showing his personality and values, so if you can find a youtube video of it, it might help.

As a word of advice from a fellow writer, the stuff you write is better than you think. You might write something and think it’s cringy or not good, but there are people out there who will love it and say it’s amazing. We are our own worst critic, but that doesn't mean others think the same of our work the way we do. So don’t be afraid to share your writing!

Your Scara has everything he needs, honestly. Two of the best buffers in the game, and the best 4 star shielder plus a healer. Congrats on having built your first proper team!

I'm glad you enjoy reading my thoughts because I enjoy reading yours too! You're very sweet, 🍓 Anon ☺️ I hope you have a great day yourself (no more sleeping for only 3 hours)!

[2btheanswertothequestion]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @stevethehairington and @hotluncheddie. Thank you! 🖤 🖤

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

35, spread over two accounts.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

345 730

3. What fandoms do you write for?

A bunch. Currently it's Stranger Things and the Spiderverse films, although I'm starting to have Arcane thoughts too.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

November Paramedic (Stranger Things)

Unraveled (Spiderverse)

your eyes on me (i think i'll cause a scene) (Stranger Things)

Lesson/Plan (Stranger Things)

this might mean something (Stranger Things)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, eventually. It might take a few years but I do it! I promise I enjoy replying – I'm just slow and forgetful.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings, or angst at all. On my second (secret!) AO3 account one of my fics ends with the main character "dying" and getting mutilated, but in a kinda hopeful and poetic way?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of them end on an equally happy note.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No. When I still posted on ff.net I sometimes got harsh comments, but they tried to be constructive and helpful, plus I asked for critical feedback, so I don't count it.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, and the good kind? I hope? 😆 I think I'm pretty flexible when it comes to kink and such, though usually in a light way. So far I've only posted gay smut (but I have lesbian and straight stored away on my laptop. Maybe I'll finish it and show you one day).

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I don't even read crossovers.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

See above answer.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but it seems like it'd be fun!

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Impossible to answer as my favorite ship is the one I'm currently obsessed with. I'm not more attached to any of them. When I was in the midst of the ST obsession it was Steddie and Lumax, and later Buckingham. Nowadays I'm more focused on Punkflower and Timebomb. Who knows what'll come next.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My big Mortal Kombat fic 😔 It's almost 7 years since I last updated and my standards have gotten so much higher; I'd have to rewrite the entire thing before I could continue.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think my strength is that I don't have one big strength or weakness? I'm rather good at everything. Not the best at characterization, dialogue, prose, etc. but competent enough at everything to create some good, balanced stories. A jack of all trades, as they say.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Adding meaning to my writing. Writing just for fun is, well, fun, but sometimes I'd like to actually say something with my writing.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Only after rigorous research.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

First written was Naruto; first published was Romeo and Juliet. That's right, I'm versatile!

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I'll list a few, because I cannot choose just one:

November Paramedic, because of how fun it was to write and the wonderful reception it received. This fic convinced me I can be funny.

Uniquely Mine (Stranger Things), because I think I did say something with it. It's very pretty and heartfelt. Also, Stobin 4ever.

synchronicity (cut me open, cut you down) (MCR), because my beta (ily Andréa, wherever you are) and I did such a good job putting it together. Most coherent fic I've ever written. It just works so well, and I really feel my vision came through.

Unraveled, because of basically the same reasons I gave for synchronicity. This one isn't finished yet but I just know I'm going to love the end result.

There! That was fun. Now I'll try to tag people I think haven't already done this (but no pressure): @throughthevale, @madaboutmunson, @riality-check, @hilarychuff, @its-just-a-glitch

[pleuvoire]

i've been meaning to ask for a while.. what are some of your favorite kamen rider fics? i've been looking for good recomendations and i trust your taste

unfortunately i don't have as many recs as you might expect because i'm highly picky and i don't read kamen rider fic all that much 😔 i kinda lost the habit because i feel like a lot of people in the tag have a different vision than i do. but let me dig a few up that i remember

first though to get this out of the way. i do in fact recommend my own fics. hi. here's all my kamen rider fics if you haven't checked them out already. at the risk of sounding conceited, i think they are really good. do let me know if you enjoy them as i love feedback

other general author recs! ihasa is prose/description goals to me, and i love their kuuga stuff in particular. bladebrave, parad, and realxeyez are all my friends who have written some great stuff and i will always hype up their excellent character takes. now for more specific fics. bolded are my favorites

impressions by estelraca - an interesting crossover take on how tsukasa lost his memories. ft lots of godai and ichijou which makes me happy because i love them :) a bit confusing in places but i liked it a lot

hanging tree by rainbowfootsteps - this is by my friend rain and was inspired by a wip snippet i posted which makes me very happy. a gloomy look at how a previous round of the rider battle might have ended

what do you call a male femme fatale? by chancellorxofxtrash - written for me for the toku holiday exchange and i was delighted to receive it. kirihiko/shoutarou fake dating

the other kind of yummy by laylah (explicit) - the most "yeah, that is exactly how it would go down" take on ankheiji having sex i've ever seen. foundational text to me

my madly-blooming feelings by shoceted - literally just now discovered this one going into the gouchase tag to retrieve another fic to add to this post (see below) AUGH IT'S SO GOOD. gouchase hanahaki disease. GOD THIS AUTHOR GETS IT. THEY GET IT

sick by oneatatime - makoala sickfic, pre-canon. pretty short but made me think "wow, this author really gets these characters" and more than that made me feel like i had a much deeper and better picture of their relationship, which is quite the feat

NOW HERE'S THE THING... a lot of the best kamen rider fics i've read are in chinese. i don't speak chinese past the beginner level but i've found deepl does the trick well enough to understand it. if you are also interested in reading chinese fics through deepl or another machine translator, here are a few more...

羚羊有一百条命 (antelopes have 100 lives) by ephedrine - satosano psychological horror and probably my favorite ryuki fic

run wolf run by liliamt - yuutaku high school au but takumi... is a werewolf o_O short but sweet

20th century boy by acetylcholine - overview of a year with ren and shinji. the prose in this is so, so gorgeous even with machine translate. some other equally beautiful works of theirs i like include special needs (yuutaku lesbians au), insomnia (heartbreaking faiz angst), it (kenhaji shape of water au), and like father like daughter (bittersweet kenhaji angst, and was a big part of the inspiration for my fic in the gaps of sunlight)

生活碎片 by fireworkinstar - post-canon gouchase that ends in them eloping. it's adorable

ok it's late and i'm getting sleepy. huh that is more recs than i expected to have. if i remember or discover any more i will add to this post, making this has inspired me to go digging for more fics and also actually read more of the many many chinese rider fics on ao3. goodnight

[genderqueerdykes]

i identified as a trans man for several years and recently came out as nonbinary. i don't think i ever really felt like a man, but i did a lot of repression with it for a while.

the part that complicates it the most is that i struggle with dissociation. i don't want to claim a label, but my doctor suspects that i have DID or OSDD. i have pretty bad dissociative amnesia. i didn't think it was uncommon for someone to not have knowledge of alter names, genders, and pronouns, but i feel really alienated after being online because i don't have an excel spreadsheet type of knowledge i guess.

with gender, it's frustrating because i want to understand myself better but there's so much self to sort through. there have been days with he/him, others they/them, and others i haven't corrected people when they said she/her, and others i wish i didn't have to use pronouns at all, or even a name. i'm worried if i try to explain it to someone they'll say i'm genderfluid but i don't remember a lot of those days, i only really know about them through things other people have told me and things that have been written down.

i don't really know if there's a way i can sum this up well, i apologize- it's just hard because i want so badly to have an idea of at least THIS gender, and what it is when i don't remember. i've always wanted a perfect label that encompasses things, even before i was really aware of dissociating. but i don't think i can ever find that.

i wanted to grab my desk and shake it and scream SAME the whole time i was reading this TBH

it's okay if you don't know what's going on right now, but i'm glad you're getting some care for your dissociative symptoms! it took us a few years to get a diagnosis because most clinicians aren't great at dealing with dissociation. luckily when we were getting screened for disability the first time years ago, the therapist screening us then caught it and brought it to our attention. it can take a while. either way i'm glad they're acknowledging it at least

we were the same way, where we didn't really identify (entirely) as a binary trans man on the whole, but came out as a binary trans guy in order to pass for safety reasons, and to get people to take our transition "more seriously" (our words, not that i believe that should have to happen). the host in our system at the time was a binary guy so it fit him, but only him. he was very oblivious to the rest of the system and really was only aware of passive influence and such

it's really hard to wake up every day and have a flurry of changes go on. it's hard to not know who "you" really are, which "you" is the one that you want to adopt or project on to the body. having a unified outward image is the hardest part and i get what you're saying, that's what we've struggled with the most- that's why we don't usually boil our identity down to something too simple because it can feel restricting and inaccurate at times, but at the same times, sometimes you just. want something simple

maybe for you all, what might help is trying to write down how the vast majority of you feel, and try to represent as many of you as you can. for us, it was easiest to adopt the fagdyke/gaybian and bigender labels, since it's more specific to us- we are a system of about 50/50 gay men and lesbians. if we don't feel like being specific or aren't around other queer people, we just say "bisexual" since that's also true- it's just the way we experience our bisexual attraction that is specific.

sometimes terms like 'genderqueer', 'queer' or simply just trans/transsexual can really help alleviate some of that if you feel overwhelmed. sometimes it really is the most helpful to return to the absolute most basic terms that you can, and build your way back up. sometimes you're just trans or queer. sometimes, you can't possibly put a word on it, and it's okay. it's okay that you don't have a label for it right now, even though you'd all like one. it's hard to figure these things out

transness, plurality & dissociative disorders have massive overlap. i was talking to a previous therapist who told me it's almost 1:1 in terms of the two- and it makes sense, if there are more than one of you living in a body, the likelihood of you having differing genders increases drastically. and trans and queer people are statistically more likely to endure severe traumas, so they just go hand in hand

i rambled a bit, but i hope youre able to figure something out for yourselves and find something that makes you all feel represented and comfortable. it's really hard, we still struggle with it- we really struggle with pronouns at the moment. it's a process. take care, feel free to stop by again at any point!